Effectiveness of EFT: 90% of COUPLES BENEFIT
There are many different methods of couple therapy. However, only two methods have proven their efficacy in rigorous scientific studies: Behavioural-centered couple therapy, which also shows a high relapse rate, and EFT, which is backed up by over 35 years of empirical research and is recognized by many leaders in the field as the most powerful couple therapy intervention available today.
The research studies show:
The secret of EFT: The imoportance of a secure attachment
Emotionally Focused Couple Therapy (EFT) was developed by Dr. Sue Johnson in Canada in the 1980s. Together with her team, she researched hundreds of couples in order to find out what contributes to secure, responsive and connected relationships and what leads to alienation, silence and heartache between two people.
The basis of EFT is the well researched attachment theory of the British psychiatrist John Bowlby.
"OUR ATTACHMENT NEEDS LAST FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE."
Dr. John Bowlby
From birth on, we all have a deep primal need for secure attachment. All our lives we need people around us who are reliably there for us when we are in a crisis, someone who gives us security, support and emotional closeness.
According to current attachment research, adult romantic love is an attachment bond, just like the one between parent and child. This also explains the strong emotional reactions to intimate relationship distress.
We are born in relationship, we are wounded in relationship, and we can be healed in relationship.
Reaction to relational distress: 'WITHDRAWAL' or 'PURSUIT'
When we feel rejected, dismissed, inadequate or pressurized in the relationship, and this important bond seems to be threatened, we essentially respond with two emotional protection strategies:
No matter whether 'pursuer‘ or 'withdrawer - actually we feel desperate, fearful, helpless and/or lonely and the positive (attachment) feelings for each other are more and more buried. However, because this process happens unconsciously after a while, we only notice anger, frustration and doubt in the relationship.
"THE REAL MEANING OF RELATIONSHIP DISTRESS IS THE DESPERATE PROTEST AGAINST THE LOSS OF THE SECURE ATTACHMENT BOND.”
Dr Sue Johnson
Love needs: COURAGE, TRUST and a SECURE BOND
As an EFT therapist, I support you in having the courage to realize and understand your own sensitive spots and to find out why you react more emotionally to certain behaviours and words of your partner.
This will support you to free yourself from emotional reactivity and painful arguments or not to get into them at all and to live a different, secure (bonded) relationship with this new knowledge.
In the way you can open up (again) to each other and establish a positive emotional emotional connection and, importantly, trust in yourself and in each other. As scientific studies show, this is the best guarantee for a close, happy and long-term relationship.
Objective in EFT Couple Therapy: A SECURE BOND
In addition to reducing conflicts and negative tensions, the most important goal of EFT couples therapy is to create a secure bond . In a securely attached relationship both partners feel accepted, find security and closeness and support each other in their own goals and life. It is therefore a relationship, in which both partners can be authentic as they really are.
However, a securely attached relationship is not a 'perfect' relationship. We know from couple research that couples in a safe, happy relationship have as many conflicts as unhappy couples. The big difference: securely attached couples come together again much faster and can constructively resolve conflicts .
Furthermore, a safe relationship is a prerequisite for passionate sexuality. Because only when we feel accepted and safe can we let go and take the emotional risks that passionate sexuality requires.
"HOT SEX DOES NOT LEAD TO A SECURELY ATTACHED LOVE RELATIONSHIP - RATHER, A SAFE AND SECURE LOVE RELATIONSHIP LEADS TO HOT SEX.”
Dr. Sue Johnson
IF YOU STILL HAVE QUESTIONS...
If you are interested in couples coaching or couples therapy and / or have further questions, please do not hesitate to contact me.